Woodland walks, stress, & the fear that comes with trying

Recently, it’s been very apparent that I am stressed. 

I mean, I think I am stressed quite a lot of the time actually. There’s always something a little out of the ordinary happening in my life and it’s now at the point where these out of the ordinary things have become quite ordinary.

But this time, it’s excited stress.

If that makes sense?

When you know when really exciting things are happening and you are pretty much always shaking with excitement because things are finally going well and you’re finally trying to live your life in the way you’ve always wanted?

It’s awesome.

But, you’re simultaneously absolutely terrified.

Anxious. Sleepless. Sometimes you can’t tell the excited shaking from the anxious shaking or the coffee shaking. You find that the smallest things can crush your confidence. The joys of being so sensitive. 

Every year has been an emotional and personal learning curve for me, as it is with everybody. But, like. A really steep learning curve. Of how fragile and volatile my mental health can be if I let it get the better of me, of how I rely too much on others for my own confidence, of how I have spent years dancing around the career I’ve always wanted to have.

Being utterly smitten with Michael is exciting, and stressful. Starting up my own freelance copywriting and photography business is so wonderful, and terrifying. There’s a lot to process, emotionally, and it feels like there isn’t really enough time to do that.

‘I am very busy’

I’m running around. Working, networking, meeting interesting people, writing, editing, snapping photos, connecting, climbing, decorating, learning, building.

I like being busy, but I’ve always known that I’m not good at balance. I am actually TERRIBLE at balance. I’m busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy – CRASH. Whoops.

But not this time. Well, I hope. This time the busy will be interspersed with woodland walks, with kind words to my reflection, with no-pressure climbing, asking for help, and a lot of deep breathing. And probably a lot of clambering, swinging from trees, and saying “fuck you” to my awkward ankle.

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