I thought you were Italian,
But you’re from Worksop.
And you stole my favourite water bottle.
You told me you’d take me to
‘A Nice Lebanese Place’
With vegan options.
IT WAS A KEBAB SHOP.
I lost my Tinder virginity in a posh Bangkok hotel.
We dressed up as Sherlock and Watson,
Solved a puzzle,
And never met again.
I didn’t mean to forget you,
It’s because you live in a space house.
Thanks for the bangin’ homemade pizza.
You moved in on the first date.
I probably should have realised then that you are
A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING.
I’d wake up at 3am.
A message from you.
I’d open it, read it, laugh,
And go back to sleep.
Your snapchats are sweet.
You’re quite sweet.
We literally have nothing in common.
You tied me up and that was kind of weird.
Sorry about ditching you for my ex-ex-boyfriend.
My favourite so far.
The first date made me say
to my friends, confused as hell:
“I didn’t even know that was POSSIBLE?!”