“I’m on your team”

When you told me

“I’m on your team”

I believed that

You would not leave, and

I keep reminding myself

that you are the real deal, and

that

you

could stick around.

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Looking back on recovery

And by no means has ‘recovery’ been perfect. I managed to get myself into a nightmarish relationship straight afterwards, was further emotionally traumatised by Will.. uhh I mean Bill, and ended up quitting my whole life in Oxford. But, at no point since Recovery Day no.1 did I reach the lowest ever again. Why?

Because I knew I could fucking handle it.

It’s just you and the wall: the psychology of failing again, and again, and-

And I think it’s because, in the real world, I:

Give up pretty easily when I fail at something, thinking “well, I guess this isn’t for me after all”.
Don’t even try in the first place because I am so absolutely terrified of failing that I would rather hold onto the dream of reaching something than actually try to reach it and fail.